I wrote this back on August 19th but couldn't post it then, and if you have ever felt depressed, really sad for longer than normal, this might be nice to read -- to remember the sun will shine again (like in this pic of Burger when he was teenier) :
Why is it that as mothers we feel we need to handle it all. And that asking for help with our house, our kids, our mental state seems like we've failed. There are lots of jokes about men not asking for help and directions, but I think we women do it just as much. Because of this knowledge and because of my history with postpartum depression, I made a pact with myself that I would make good enough friends, and be honest with them, so that if I started to dip down, I could call them and tell them that I was getting too down and I needed them.
So this week it happened. I got too low. And it happens what usually does in deep sadness, I felt like maybe my friends had moved on, or maybe they were avoiding me because I was a downer. Which is totally irrational, by the way, because I've been the one that's been out and about for the last few weeks... But I could potentially have been avoiding everyone because I don't want to burden them with my stresses. When you are down, your mind plays tricks on you-- you feel as if it will ALWAYS be this way, that maybe you'll always be grumpy with your husband, your kids, the world. That maybe you are not meant to lead the life you thought you wanted. Lies ladies, all lies.
So at 1:40 am last night..er..this morning. I got myself to send out 3 messages to 3 of my dearest friends saying that I need a hug, a chat, but I'm too dang low to pop over. One friend called, one came with a hug, the other brought goodies. Salvation I tell you.
God did not make us such amazing, beautiful creatures to have us be eaten up by fears, insecurities, stress. But I do literally get eaten up inside when dealing with stress in my life. But there is a way out...Friends. Ladies who we can be completely honest with. Who we can call out to for help. Who will give and take. Not just take. Not just give. I don't need to see friends everyday, or every week for that matter, but I do need to know that they are there.
I also need to remember that love is the opposite of fear and that filling myself with love and with doing what I know to be right in my heart can truly change me and my world. And that I am stronger because I know that the fears that envelope me when I am low are not truths-- they are lies meant to hold me down. And I am not less of a person for having those lies in my mind-- I am stronger for having confronted them and told them to "Get out of my head" (I'm not as mild in my actual verbage).
We are not weak because we cannot do it all. We were not meant to run faster than we're able. Our abilities will increase, but we will always have times where we're hitting the wall with something new, some concept we're trying to adopt into our lives, some obstacle to overcome. The constant is that we always need love, always.... and love is not a weakness.... and neither is asking for it. God's first commandment is to love Him. He knows that unless we fill ourselves with love for Him and ourselves and all those around us, we will not make it through this.