photo by EclecticForest on etsy

I had the feeling yesterday, as we were trying to decide what to do on our weekly Monday Family Night, that L and I were REALLY fun as young adults and even as a young married couple. And who were we fun with? Mostly people we hardly ever see anymore (except for family and few friends). And now that we have kids and they would ADORE our fun-ness, we are more tired, more grumpy, more weighed down by life's responsibilities.

I lived in the Mojave Desert when I was little and I remember it raining HARD once, so hard it flooded the streets (cuz who needs good drainage in a desert?) I remember running outside and literally swimming in the street with my brother and my MOTHER-- my mom came out and danced and splashed and laughed with us in the middle of the street/river. I will never forget that image of her. 

If you knew me in high school you would have no problem picturing me swimming in the street, or wearing hangers on my head, or dressing up as an armadillo and dancing through the halls... hypothetically speaking of course lol. And I do try to do some fun things with my kids, but I am not even a smidge of the carefree, free spirit that I was then. And maybe that's just it-- I am not carefree-- I have lots of cares-- and they are such beautiful cares who I get to spend my days with and my nights with. Who I pray constantly for, who I stress over, who I worry about, who I try to help be independent while at the same time staying safe, who I hope for, who I cry for. 

So maybe it's okay that I am not what I was. That I am not care-free. But still... I want to make sure that everyday has a little bit of the former me... a little bit of swimming in the streets, so that those I care most for will get to see me as I saw my mom-- rejoicing in the moment and really BEING with the ones I love.